I know nothing of the world of celebrity but I know a lot about families, especially those that struggle and the role of women in them. It's easy when a woman walks into your consulting room wearing dark glasses with multiple bruises visible. It's never a first and the woman is ashamed but carries on as she has " nowhere to go" and he is good to her in the financial sense. On the other hand, he is a charmer and wants to be the doctor's friend. " You understand. You're one of the guys". " My wife caused me embarassment when she drank too much on Saturday night. You know how it is" Well, I did know how it was. She was scared of him and alcohol numbed the pain. The woman has chronic low self esteem and it often started decades earlier with other men and often in childhood which she may or may not wish to go. The bruises are of course are a strong visible manifestation of abuse. The biggest problem are those who have no external clues and sometimes fate lends a hand. One day some 20 years ago I was called to the home of a woman having difficulty breathing. Her husband sat disinterested in his easy chair while I examined her. She was close to respiratory failure. As I stabilised her I noticed his face light up as he observed the antics of his 2 parakeets. I also noticed them and gave the lady a large dose of cortisone. She most certainly was physically suffering from the disease parakeet psittacosis. A couple of weeks later after she recovered, I again visited and told the husband the parakeets had to go. You could sense the fear of this small timidity lady. Without batting an eye the oafish man said that if itwas a choice between the parakeets and his wife, he'll opt to keep the parakeets. I wrote that fate sometimes lends a hand and that episode was fated. I saw a lot of that woman over the next year until one day she bravely plucked up the courage to tell me about the sexual abuse she suffered in childhood from within the family. The effect of those episodes on her personality were profound and she became a target for predatory men. With the right support that lady's mental health began to improve and she became a more contented person. That kind of a success story in my experience was quite rare. The breakthrough was gaining the confidence to tell someone she completely trusted and who would believe her. In her case it was the doctor. I would put it to you that confiding in the judicial authorities is a far more risky strategy for the abused woman.
G-d bless you George Barlow MBE for this and for the moral core you and (I presume) your wife instilled in your brilliant and courageous daughter. I kvell over my own adult son and daughter, but I tip my hat to you.
The success is quite rare. That is the truth and the heartbreak. My late sister suffered from physical and emotional abuse. Unfortunately “abuse” is another term that has been dumbed down to the point people’s eyes glaze over at the accusation. My sister’s husband pulled her by her head through a car window, causing her lasting pain. He threw her down the stairs multiple times. She wouldn’t leave him because “he needed her” and only she could “rescue” him. I don’t understand why she stayed.
Later her son a drug and convict used the same tactic to keep her “captive.” She worked to support him and his wife who spent their days using drugs and playing video games.
She died in March of a heart attack. The stress of dealing with him killed her. I don’t understand what was inside of her that kept her captive.
The tragedy, apart for your obvious heartbreaking loss, is that you are unlikely ever to understand how a person stays trapped in an abusive relationship. That is the nature of this truly terrible dynamic which too often goes on to destroy the life of a vulnerable person.
I've been through my own version of it and got no justice, which is par for the course. I spent many years trying to figure out how in this culture, a woman can be a human being. Adult. Sovereign. Respected. With her own mind not shouted down and her own accomplishments not stolen.
I came to the conclusion that justice is not possible within our systems, but sovereignty and respect is possible on an individual basis. I have learned that the thing that a man fears most is that a woman will laugh at him. That he will see himself in her eyes and he will look ridiculous. He doesn't care if he looks vicious or violent but he can't abide the idea that he looks silly. I have been through rapes and I have averted rapes by talking to my would-be violent rapist as if I were completely in control, as if they were laughable, as if my view of them were the final authority. When this worked, I didn't do it on purpose, it was sincere, it just happened, and it cut them off at the knees. It's happened more than once, with completely different men, so now I know it's not a one-off thing. I have proof of concept.
This is a hell of a skill and I was middle aged before I stumbled on it; I had to get to a point where I had no fucks left to give. I would have had a different life if I knew how to do it when I was young. It has to do with refusing to have fear and refusing to think that they outrank you.
The system abets men against women and women against women, it is completely rigged and if you follow its rules you're dead. But a little attitude goes a long way. The rules say that a woman must always give way, the rules say that a woman must always lose. You only get free when you really believe with every cell of your body that those rules can go to hell.
And you can do it without hurting anyone. Without stepping on anyone. Without being cutthroat. You just have to throw out your conditioning.
I was a feminist from 1972 and I watched the movement become the opposite of feminism before the end of the '80s and it never got better, it just got worse. I wish they wouldn't call it "feminism" because it's got nothing to do with the original mission.
When you look at history, you will see that in every era, there were women who did not play by the rules and who did just fine. You don't have to be a fake man (took me decades to learn that). You just have to believe that you don't have to put up with their shit, and that they're not going to change, and that if their stupid reindeer games are all about screwing you over, you don't play those games. You do your own stuff.
There is an unremitting economic penalty for not playing the reindeer games. That's the price of sovereignty in this society that wants us underfoot.
No, it's a *good* thing! It's a wonderful thing to figure out how to be a human being in a society that wants us to be doormats. I just wish I had had some role models and didn't have to invent the wheel.
I love that song LABOUR! Women’s comments on being schackled to a life of sexual servatude and abuse to please their men. ( not an inditment on all men ), a wife on social media said that men want a passive pretty woman to do their bidding, but if they are strong, women with their own thoughts and different ideas, they are scorned, ridiculed and ostricized by men and surprisingly other woman.
What an incredible essay, thank you for allowing people to hear you, very courageous on your part. I got out of one rape, when I was 15, threatening him with my fathers reprisal. I got my nose broken but I didn’t get raped.
We’re all trying to figure it out and we end up hurting each other because we don’t know any better. So much of life is this clumsiness. Not to say we should be absolved of our sins, btw. And then there is the fact that some people are just bad and always will be. Sorry for your tsuris.
But you mentioned that there are throughout history some women who didn’t play by the rules and did just fine. My wife and I were talking about this last night as we came across a couple of historical examples of this while traveling recently. Women who 500 years ago or 700 years ago did their thing in their way in very rigid societies and didn’t get punished for it, but were in fact supported by the men in their lives or professional colleagues.(Wife is working on an historical fiction novel and looking at subjects for future books.)
I came of age in the late 60s and 70s when the feminist movement was solely about uplifting women, all women. I actively worked to pass the (failed) ERA as well on other issues. Too many so-called feminists today are so full of their self righteousness that they are unrecognizable to many of us. The feminist leaders today pick and choose who to let into their club. As a Jewish woman, I am not welcome because, as one of their hateful leaders said, one cannot be a feminist and a Zionist. Having worked hard on behalf of all women, none of whom had to pass an admissions test, today's feminists are more than disappointing, they're dangerous.
Practicing Christians are also not welcome. Abortion is their Sacrament and any suggestion killing their children is evil has you out while the shrieking harpies follow suit
Eve, when i stop crying I will comment on your most brilliant essay to date. BTW-Nancy Grace just finished lambasting that horrible TMZ anti-woman tarnisher Harvey Levin, who did every thing possible to DEMONIZE Amber Heard and Cassie and the woman who spoke under an alias. Levin, claims the prosecution ‘over reached’, that’s his assessment of the volumes of evidence the prosecution presented. The circus outside the courthouse partying celebrating this disgusting verdict bring back the lingering memories of the harrassment Amber receives DAILY from the vindictive VIGALANTES who want to do her harm.
I only managed to catch clips of the Depp/Heard fiasco, but the immediate pile-on of Heard was disgusting, along with the slobbering females that defended him. Your writing about it only confirmed my initial gut reaction, and I thank you for that.
It didn't start with Diddy. My 2024 novel TOP 40 HONEYPOT exposes crime, corruption, and occult sex rituals in 1970's Top 40 radio. Sexual abuse of unsuspecting both low level and executive women was rampant in the music biz. I'd like to send you a copy, Eve, please message me. Available now on Amazon and Barnes & Noble. I was there and saw it all.
It’s not over yet. He may be out on a $1M bail and fly back to his home in Miami, take a good shower in the comfort of his own home after spending one year in a federal prison, celebrate his temporary freedom until sentencing and overdose that same first night and PUFFFFFF no more Diddy Habibi.
Diddy is a very bad person, and he was found guilty of 2 federal crimes of transporting for the purpose of prostitution. There, fixed it. BTW you do realize a jury finding that he was not guilty beyond a reasonable doubt of the sex trafficking charges doesn’t mean that he’s not guilty in real life. It’s just that that’s the verdict we have to accept for now in our still-flawed but better-than-most-countries’ system
Please do not dump Woody Allen in with the likes of rapist P Diddy. You are just wrong about him. But right about all the rest of this. What does it tell you that his supporters were slathering themselves in baby oil after the verdict was announced!
OK, here goes: You know who goes home alone from the bar late at night? The Good Guys. Not the Interesting Ones. Until you can explain that one, you're only halfway there. If that.
I know nothing of the world of celebrity but I know a lot about families, especially those that struggle and the role of women in them. It's easy when a woman walks into your consulting room wearing dark glasses with multiple bruises visible. It's never a first and the woman is ashamed but carries on as she has " nowhere to go" and he is good to her in the financial sense. On the other hand, he is a charmer and wants to be the doctor's friend. " You understand. You're one of the guys". " My wife caused me embarassment when she drank too much on Saturday night. You know how it is" Well, I did know how it was. She was scared of him and alcohol numbed the pain. The woman has chronic low self esteem and it often started decades earlier with other men and often in childhood which she may or may not wish to go. The bruises are of course are a strong visible manifestation of abuse. The biggest problem are those who have no external clues and sometimes fate lends a hand. One day some 20 years ago I was called to the home of a woman having difficulty breathing. Her husband sat disinterested in his easy chair while I examined her. She was close to respiratory failure. As I stabilised her I noticed his face light up as he observed the antics of his 2 parakeets. I also noticed them and gave the lady a large dose of cortisone. She most certainly was physically suffering from the disease parakeet psittacosis. A couple of weeks later after she recovered, I again visited and told the husband the parakeets had to go. You could sense the fear of this small timidity lady. Without batting an eye the oafish man said that if itwas a choice between the parakeets and his wife, he'll opt to keep the parakeets. I wrote that fate sometimes lends a hand and that episode was fated. I saw a lot of that woman over the next year until one day she bravely plucked up the courage to tell me about the sexual abuse she suffered in childhood from within the family. The effect of those episodes on her personality were profound and she became a target for predatory men. With the right support that lady's mental health began to improve and she became a more contented person. That kind of a success story in my experience was quite rare. The breakthrough was gaining the confidence to tell someone she completely trusted and who would believe her. In her case it was the doctor. I would put it to you that confiding in the judicial authorities is a far more risky strategy for the abused woman.
G-d bless you George Barlow MBE for this and for the moral core you and (I presume) your wife instilled in your brilliant and courageous daughter. I kvell over my own adult son and daughter, but I tip my hat to you.
On behalf of my wife and I, your words are most moving and very much appreciated Terry.
The success is quite rare. That is the truth and the heartbreak. My late sister suffered from physical and emotional abuse. Unfortunately “abuse” is another term that has been dumbed down to the point people’s eyes glaze over at the accusation. My sister’s husband pulled her by her head through a car window, causing her lasting pain. He threw her down the stairs multiple times. She wouldn’t leave him because “he needed her” and only she could “rescue” him. I don’t understand why she stayed.
Later her son a drug and convict used the same tactic to keep her “captive.” She worked to support him and his wife who spent their days using drugs and playing video games.
She died in March of a heart attack. The stress of dealing with him killed her. I don’t understand what was inside of her that kept her captive.
The tragedy, apart for your obvious heartbreaking loss, is that you are unlikely ever to understand how a person stays trapped in an abusive relationship. That is the nature of this truly terrible dynamic which too often goes on to destroy the life of a vulnerable person.
I've been through my own version of it and got no justice, which is par for the course. I spent many years trying to figure out how in this culture, a woman can be a human being. Adult. Sovereign. Respected. With her own mind not shouted down and her own accomplishments not stolen.
I came to the conclusion that justice is not possible within our systems, but sovereignty and respect is possible on an individual basis. I have learned that the thing that a man fears most is that a woman will laugh at him. That he will see himself in her eyes and he will look ridiculous. He doesn't care if he looks vicious or violent but he can't abide the idea that he looks silly. I have been through rapes and I have averted rapes by talking to my would-be violent rapist as if I were completely in control, as if they were laughable, as if my view of them were the final authority. When this worked, I didn't do it on purpose, it was sincere, it just happened, and it cut them off at the knees. It's happened more than once, with completely different men, so now I know it's not a one-off thing. I have proof of concept.
This is a hell of a skill and I was middle aged before I stumbled on it; I had to get to a point where I had no fucks left to give. I would have had a different life if I knew how to do it when I was young. It has to do with refusing to have fear and refusing to think that they outrank you.
The system abets men against women and women against women, it is completely rigged and if you follow its rules you're dead. But a little attitude goes a long way. The rules say that a woman must always give way, the rules say that a woman must always lose. You only get free when you really believe with every cell of your body that those rules can go to hell.
And you can do it without hurting anyone. Without stepping on anyone. Without being cutthroat. You just have to throw out your conditioning.
I was a feminist from 1972 and I watched the movement become the opposite of feminism before the end of the '80s and it never got better, it just got worse. I wish they wouldn't call it "feminism" because it's got nothing to do with the original mission.
When you look at history, you will see that in every era, there were women who did not play by the rules and who did just fine. You don't have to be a fake man (took me decades to learn that). You just have to believe that you don't have to put up with their shit, and that they're not going to change, and that if their stupid reindeer games are all about screwing you over, you don't play those games. You do your own stuff.
There is an unremitting economic penalty for not playing the reindeer games. That's the price of sovereignty in this society that wants us underfoot.
I’m so sorry x
No, it's a *good* thing! It's a wonderful thing to figure out how to be a human being in a society that wants us to be doormats. I just wish I had had some role models and didn't have to invent the wheel.
I love that song LABOUR! Women’s comments on being schackled to a life of sexual servatude and abuse to please their men. ( not an inditment on all men ), a wife on social media said that men want a passive pretty woman to do their bidding, but if they are strong, women with their own thoughts and different ideas, they are scorned, ridiculed and ostricized by men and surprisingly other woman.
What an incredible essay, thank you for allowing people to hear you, very courageous on your part. I got out of one rape, when I was 15, threatening him with my fathers reprisal. I got my nose broken but I didn’t get raped.
We’re all trying to figure it out and we end up hurting each other because we don’t know any better. So much of life is this clumsiness. Not to say we should be absolved of our sins, btw. And then there is the fact that some people are just bad and always will be. Sorry for your tsuris.
But you mentioned that there are throughout history some women who didn’t play by the rules and did just fine. My wife and I were talking about this last night as we came across a couple of historical examples of this while traveling recently. Women who 500 years ago or 700 years ago did their thing in their way in very rigid societies and didn’t get punished for it, but were in fact supported by the men in their lives or professional colleagues.(Wife is working on an historical fiction novel and looking at subjects for future books.)
I came of age in the late 60s and 70s when the feminist movement was solely about uplifting women, all women. I actively worked to pass the (failed) ERA as well on other issues. Too many so-called feminists today are so full of their self righteousness that they are unrecognizable to many of us. The feminist leaders today pick and choose who to let into their club. As a Jewish woman, I am not welcome because, as one of their hateful leaders said, one cannot be a feminist and a Zionist. Having worked hard on behalf of all women, none of whom had to pass an admissions test, today's feminists are more than disappointing, they're dangerous.
They aren't really feminists, no matter what they call themselves.
Practicing Christians are also not welcome. Abortion is their Sacrament and any suggestion killing their children is evil has you out while the shrieking harpies follow suit
Eve, when i stop crying I will comment on your most brilliant essay to date. BTW-Nancy Grace just finished lambasting that horrible TMZ anti-woman tarnisher Harvey Levin, who did every thing possible to DEMONIZE Amber Heard and Cassie and the woman who spoke under an alias. Levin, claims the prosecution ‘over reached’, that’s his assessment of the volumes of evidence the prosecution presented. The circus outside the courthouse partying celebrating this disgusting verdict bring back the lingering memories of the harrassment Amber receives DAILY from the vindictive VIGALANTES who want to do her harm.
The circus! Yes! Covering themselves with baby oil in celebration. There is a sickness in NYC.
Disgusting spectacle outside the court house when he was CONVICTED OF 2 charges.
Eve, yes, it is absolutely the tyranny of low expectations. And the architectonic principle "NJI": No Jews Involved.
Silly rabbit. Trix are for kids.
I only managed to catch clips of the Depp/Heard fiasco, but the immediate pile-on of Heard was disgusting, along with the slobbering females that defended him. Your writing about it only confirmed my initial gut reaction, and I thank you for that.
Women will always be the stronger sex!
Wonderful article and comments! Xx
It didn't start with Diddy. My 2024 novel TOP 40 HONEYPOT exposes crime, corruption, and occult sex rituals in 1970's Top 40 radio. Sexual abuse of unsuspecting both low level and executive women was rampant in the music biz. I'd like to send you a copy, Eve, please message me. Available now on Amazon and Barnes & Noble. I was there and saw it all.
It’s not over yet. He may be out on a $1M bail and fly back to his home in Miami, take a good shower in the comfort of his own home after spending one year in a federal prison, celebrate his temporary freedom until sentencing and overdose that same first night and PUFFFFFF no more Diddy Habibi.
🤮 ve imru amen!
My take- diddy is a very bad person, but he was not guilty of the crimes brought against him. Both things can be true.
"Both things can be true" is the new 2+2=5
My take, he was guilty of everything. He had lots of money to hire lawyers to harrass the woman and make it seem like they were wrong - depp.2
Diddy is a very bad person, and he was found guilty of 2 federal crimes of transporting for the purpose of prostitution. There, fixed it. BTW you do realize a jury finding that he was not guilty beyond a reasonable doubt of the sex trafficking charges doesn’t mean that he’s not guilty in real life. It’s just that that’s the verdict we have to accept for now in our still-flawed but better-than-most-countries’ system
Please do not dump Woody Allen in with the likes of rapist P Diddy. You are just wrong about him. But right about all the rest of this. What does it tell you that his supporters were slathering themselves in baby oil after the verdict was announced!
Allen groomed his stepdaughter, so in my view he's even worse.
And look how that turned out long, happy marriage
I happen to have spent some time with them as a couple and this is not a case of groomer with a groomed wife
Of course you’re gonna believe whatever you want and that’s fine but Mia Farrow is a whack job
They had a parent/child relationship. That is a fact, not a belief. Mia Farrow may be a whack job, but so is Allen.
OK, here goes: You know who goes home alone from the bar late at night? The Good Guys. Not the Interesting Ones. Until you can explain that one, you're only halfway there. If that.
What are they doing in a bar then? Good grief. Isn’t that scene over?