The curious case of the octopus whistle

Tonight as we welcome in Shabbat, and the Hamas Caucus plead for a ceasefire (sorry, never gonna happen until every single member of Hamas is dead), I really just wanted to come back to the most amazing – and I mean truly amazing – thing I have seen in two weeks, and that is Greta Thunberg’s antisemitic dog whistle. Sorry, octopus whistle…

This morning, Greta, the world’s angriest child-adult, posted this on her Instagram:

Now, for years, some of us have tried to talk about the climate change movement’s inherent antisemitic bias. Surprise, surprise, like all social justice causes, this one is also for some inexplicable reason against Israel. At climate change marches everywhere, you will see Palestinian flags inexplicably present. Why? It’s not because a Free Palestine will help the environment. Oh no. You know this one by now. It’s because a Free Palestine will genocide all the Jews, and then the Jews won’t be around any more to ruin the climate. We control the weather, remember?

Let me quote an article from Forbes in 2022, titled “The World Wants Israel’s Energy And Environmental Innovations”

Israel is home to many creative technologies, including water, agriculture, and renewable energy. Not only is the Jewish state making itself more resilient to climate change, but it is also helping multiple nations do the same.

Sounds like Israel being wiped off the map might not be great for Greta? I mean, do we know if Hamas include climate change on their top list of priorities after their ethnic cleanse of the Jewish homeland? Shall we ask the BBC to contact Mr Hamas?

Anyway, let’s go back to Greta’s Instagram portrait. I had a feeling about Greta for a while but I kept it to myself. She’s got her self-hating Jewish friends to stand with her (although her one token is - in fact - sitting down). And curiously, over her left shoulder there, looking very enraged, and very angry is her fluffy blue Octopus. And no, that’s not a euphemism.

That’s right. Greta had the infamous Nazi cartoon blue octopus just right there over her shoulder while she was making this profoundly peaceful pro Hamas statement that wasn’t remotely antisemitic. She deleted it, and said she had no idea that her oppressed octopus had antisemitic connotations.

“I was completely unaware” - Greta Thunberg re: antisemitic octopus

She said the octopus is an aid she uses as an autistic person to show her emotions, insisting she didn’t know about any historic ties to the issue of Jewish survival. Perhaps it wasn’t such a good idea to leave school prematurely, Greta. Do I buy this excuse? No I don’t.

Greta once weaponized her childhood and now in 2023 she’s weaponizing her neuro-divergent brain. Well, sorry, Greta. You’re smart, you’re savvy, you’re amazing at PR. And you put your plush blue Hamas-loving octopus there for a reason. Is Greta’s octopus emoting for her in any other posts she makes on social media? I don’t see him/her/them/it in any of her other updates. Oppressed Octopus only comes out to play when Israel is on the cards…

I wish this was a Black Mirror episode. But incredibly it is real life. We are now at a point in the oppression olympics of the human experience that an autistic person can blame the bad Jews for not letting her express her basic feelings with her antisemitic octopus, who is sooooo angry at the Jews because the Jews are to blame for climate change. She’s using her antisemitic Jewish friend who she’s turned into a Nazi to help her make the point she’s been making for years, but now she can’t effectively tell us how furious she is because we’ve cancelled her antisemitic Beanie Baby octopus. We’ve suppressed her rage and her voice, and she’s so angry about it she’s going to have to buy another ten more of these fluffy pissed-off octopi to express the extent of her antisemitism. All the while Israel has done so much to fight climate change, and is there even a tree in Gaza?

The Jewish National Fund have been planting trees all over Israel every single year since time began, apparently. Trees on trees on trees. And what does Greta have to say about that? “How dare you!” - probably. Shall we invite her to celebrate Tu B’Shvat with us? Yes, the Jews have a whole festival day every year dedicated to celebrating trees. Greta, please come?

But seriously. If anything says that emotions drive the Free Palestine movement more than logic, it’s that a climate change activist can employ her autism by claiming that the Jews suppressed her opposition towards Israel by cancelling her aid; a cuddly toy that served as an antisemitic dog octopus whistle. Does Greta know that Hamas only recycle two things: Nazi ideology, and water pipes from which they make rockets?

As we come to a close on a second week of braincell carnage, I feel it’s important to reiterate that conspiracy theories may sound cool, but they look like the world’s saddest cuddly toy. Greta, the world is burning. And you’re throwing kerosene on the fire. Not very environmentally friendly.