Jewish Pride: One year on

A conversation with Ben M Freeman, my oldest pal

When it comes to being Jewish, Ben M Freeman is the proudest person I know. I remember a few years ago, he told me that he was going to start wearing a kippah in Hong Kong - where he lives - every day. Ben isn't religious. Religious Jewish men cover their heads all the time, rendering them easily identifiable as Jewish. Ben started wearing a kippah because he wanted the world to know he was Jewish just as quickly as they’d learn about all his other incredible attributes. He wanted to own his identity visibly. The idea was such a lightning rod to me. A non-religious man wearing a kippah to show the world he was unafraid.

Ben released his first book 'Jewish Pride' a year ago today. To me, it feels like a lifetime, such has been the book's impact. I felt like a terrible friend for wondering which anniversary it was, because it felt that impossible to think it's only been 12 months. When Ben first told me he was going to write a book, I knew he was committed no matter what. I also knew he would make his mark. I knew he would make me beam, make his family rejoice, make our community shine, and make the memory of his father swell with purpose.

In the book he writes powerfully:

“Jewish people have been in a dysfunctional relationship with the non-Jewish world for over 2,000 years. To be accepted, we have tried, over and over again, to change who we are. In our thousands of years of history, has the sacrifice ever worked? No. Every time we change ourselves to be accepted, we look at the non-Jewish world with hope. We think that maybe this time, they will accept and embrace us, yet they continue to reject and shame us. This cycle has to stop. The way to stop this abusive, destructive and exhausting cycle is to turn to ourselves for that acceptance and love. Our journey is not about fighting antisemitism. That is the non-Jewish world's journey. The Jewish journey is one of self-discovery, self-acceptance and self-love – in the name of collective pride.”

What words to live by. I'm sure you recognize some of these sentiments, as they've been adopted by Jewish advocates the world over. I could not kvell greater for my oldest, bestest friend.

People still find themselves surprised when they first learn that Ben and I know each other, considering how our work has travelled, separately but adjacent to one another’s. We often joke about the “two Jews from Glasgow” who are somehow where we are. It feels beshert (meant to be, in Yiddish). We met when we were three-years-old at the same Jewish nursery school, and we went to primary school together. I remember Ben was the sweet-faced, gentle boy that everyone loved. You'd be hard pushed to find anyone say anything negative about Ben. He was the boy you wanted to be with friends with. And a heartbreaker; so many girls' first crush. We weren't as close at that stage. We grew up to attend separate high schools. Ben went to the local Newton Mearns school, and I went further afield to Hutchesons' Grammar, and we kept reconvening at Jewish events in our neighborhood. I remember the night we just gelled, but I don’t recall the details. It might have involved an ice-rink or some indoor shopping mall. It was the feeling of finding a soulmate. It changed my life. We've been attached at the hip ever since.

Ben's old number is still one of the only old landlines I remember. I'd go over and hang out on his bed with his cat Pebbles, or he'd come to my house a mile down the road. My teenage bedroom was in the former attic of my parents' bungalow, and became a salvation zone for misfits; filled with books, and music, and candles, and rugs, and a couch where people would crash. It was our own little world. Ben would come and stay for hours and he was obsessed with old school Hollywood glamour, always deferring to Marilyn Monroe or Judy Garland. (He didn't come out to me until years later, and I tried to act surprised, but could only be filled with joy for his eventual embrace of his gayness). We'd lie around, watching old movies. I think our parents thought there was something blossoming there, but no. It became a brother-sister bond. Ben and I used to chat into the wee hours on MSN Messenger about how the world had gone mad and we were the only two people who could see it.

Not much has changed there.

Throughout our lives, we have existed in a kind of platonic marriage, growing alongside each other, constantly checking in while we catapult ourselves onto our global adventures and re-planting each other firmly in our roots, but with plenty room to expand. He will be by my side forever, as I will be at his. There's not a day that goes by that I take that for granted.

This morning, we had a quick catch-up about where he finds himself on the first anniversary of his wonderful book. Ben, kol hakavod.

When did the idea of writing a book on Jewish Pride come to you, and why?

Ben: I came to prominence during the fight against Corbyn and I saw most British Jews embodied Jewish Pride. We were advocating for themselves with Pride. However, I also saw certain high profile Jews who couldn’t bring themselves to join the fray. They were suffering from what I call, the hangover of the ‘keep your head down policy’. This was the unofficial policy in the Jewish world which told Jews to be quiet and to not make a fuss. These observations led me to reflect on my own experience as a gay man and realize how central pride was to my journey to become fully comfortable with my sexuality. And all of these experiences came together and I realized that the Jewish People need - and deserve - a pride movement of our own.

Where has the journey of Jewish Pride taken you in the past year?

Though I have been stuck in Hong Kong due to COVID restrictions, digitally I have been all around the world. I have spoken to tens of thousands of people all over the world and I got to hear how Jewish Pride had changed their lives.

I may have been stuck in Hong Kong, but this made the impact of the book so much more real. We were really changing the Jewish world. This wasn’t a book that would be forgotten, it had made a tangible difference to people. And that is the honor of my life.

What has been the most meaningful thing someone’s said to you?

There have been so many. But a particularly memorable one was when a woman told me that the book had helped her elderly father be proud of his Jewishness for the first time in his life and because of that it allowed them to mend their relationship as their differing perspectives on Jewishness had created great tension between them. It’s amazing that something I wrote has had that impact. It’s almost overwhelming to consider the impact it has had.

Where is the movement a year into publication?

It is thriving. Jews all over the world have embraced their Jewishness in a way we haven’t seen for years. They are living it, breathing it and loving it. They are also advocating for themselves in a way that we also haven't seen in my lifetime. People, regardless of their religiosity, are living actively Jewish lives and have joined the fight for our People. My aim was to create a sustainable multi-generational Jewish Pride movement and we are doing just that. It’s phenomenal and so deeply inspiring.

How has your relationship to Jewish pride changed?

Jewish Pride has always been bigger than me, but I wrote the manifesto for the movement so I have always had a very close and special relationship with it. When I was writing it, I was incubating it. But then, when it was released I had to give it to the world. Of course I didn’t invent the phrase “Jewish Pride” but I did popularize it and I now see people who don’t know me use it. That’s amazing! It has become bigger than me and it really belongs to every single Jew.

What can we expect from the sequel?

The sequel in my Jewish Pride trilogy will focus on internalized anti-Jewishness. It is deeply conceptual and historical, but as always with my writing, very accessible. It will also feature five interviews with Jews who have made the journey to overcome their own internalized anti-Jewishness. When writing about Jewish identity, like Jewish Pride: Rebuilding a People, it’s always important to root it in our reality. We are real people, not concepts. So, having real Jews share their own stories is paramount. Though it's a historical and theoretical study, it’s really a book rooted in empathy and I hope to enable people to begin their own investigation into their own Jewish identity to continue their journey towards genuine Jewish Pride.

Do you think Jewish pride can reclaim the Jewish people? Do you have examples of how it’s already done so?

I absolutely do. We are rebuilding our people and reclaiming our story and identity from the world around us, as we speak. Look at the sheer number of Jewish advocates that have cropped up in the last year or so. The growth in Jews taking to social media to share their perspectives and their voice has been a huge result of Jewish Pride. Though they had it in them all along, the book helped give permission to them. It told them their Jewishness was a source of pride and not shame. And we are seeing thousands of Jews from all over the world believe that. People have responded to Jewish Pride and, to quote one of my Instagram followers, there has been a paradigm shift in how we discuss Jewish history and identity. And despite the horror of anti-Jewish racism we are experiencing, the Jewish Pride movement gives me immense hope. It’s a really thrilling time to be a Jew.

‘Jewish Pride’ is available to purchase on Amazon. Ben can be found on Twitter and Instagram @BenMFreeman, and is regularly available for speaking engagements and more.