I saw a video tonight, shot after a funeral that some friends attended today for someone I do not know, but my understanding is that this man was good and young and loved by all who met him. The message was about not taking time for granted. Not putting things off for tomorrow. Not assuming that the person you need to say something to is going to be well enough to receive it at some point of convenience. Not waiting eternally for time to be right. Living and living well, and not ignoring what's standing in front of you. Making sure that person knows what they mean to you. Brutal that it requires the death of someone to remind others of these little lessons. Such is life. And we have choices.
My friend Eden was there, and said that the Rabbi spoke of how in the Jewish mourner’s prayer - Kaddish - there is no mention of death. Because it is written as a message of reassurance for those still living, for those left behind, from the deceased. It’s a message from the person just passed to remind us to live the years we have left fully while we commemorate a life. I’d never heard that before. I found it beautiful.
I saw that big blue moon in the sky tonight, listening to a song about distance and time; a song that I’ve listened to so much in my weirdest hours when I’m on the precipice of parachuting off another mountain.
I stumbled down a hillside in the dark with its glow bathing my back. I have so many questions about life and so few answers, still, even after all this time. But I know that something great lies ahead if we don't take time for granted, if we pay closer attention. If we lean towards the good things. If we stop wwasting time fixing the bits that don't feel right. If we choose less and invest more in that smaller room. If we surrender to hope and to dreams, and not feel guilty or scared about doing it, but instead deserving in this moment. I no longer want things to change. I expect them to.
We are almost in the days of awe. (That's a Jewish time of year). I am reading a book by Rabbi Alan Lew, about the significance of these days. The Rabbi writes:
“Every soul needs to express itself. Every heart needs to crack itself open. Every one of us needs to move from anger to healing, from denial to consciousness, from boredom to renewal. These needs did not arise yesterday. They are among the most ancient of human yearnings.”
Comforting to know that in Jewish culture, we have been doing this whole self-care shenanigans for thousands of years. And while this is a time of personal reflection, healing and assessment, it doesn't work without community. Without people to trust with these brave acts of introspection. We need each other to get to where we're going. And therein lies the choice. Who gets to be lucky enough to come with you?
Bullseye as usual, Eve. Straight to the mark. You have written so eloquently about music over the years....have you ever thought about writing song texts and fronting a band yourself?
I’m reading this out loud to my husband as we are driving on a small road trip in the country and I’m completely choked up that I could barely keep reading. Your writing is outstanding and moving. You are such an inspiration and Shana Tova